


The (Pirate) Ship Has Sailed

by Audrea_Lannistark



Category: Firefly, Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Guardians of the Galaxy - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Firefly Verse, Brotp, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen, Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) - Freeform, Post-Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-31 20:58:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3992641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Audrea_Lannistark/pseuds/Audrea_Lannistark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Space Pirates! Crappy transit on Nova! Drax doesn't know how to LARP! A laugh-in-your-head adventure that will have you commenting LOL co-written with my brother, fanboy007.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to my fanboy007, my awesome brother and co-writer. Thanks for not beating each other up when we disagree on something. ("But there are no screens in the Milano!")

“Checkmate!” Gamora exclaimed, moving her bishop.

“I do not see why you would want to check my mate. I do not have a mate,” Drax replied.

“This is why you never play games with Drax, Gamora,” Rocket Raccoon added. “You should’ve seen him during last week’s LARP sesh. Right, Groot?”

“I am Groot!”

“See? He knows what I’m talking about. And don’t even get me started on the fact that he didn’t even know what a—”

“Well, unlike some people, I actually have work to do,” Gamora replied and walked up to the cockpit, seating herself in the co-pilot’s chair.

“I heard your conversation downstairs. I have to admit, while LARPing with Drax is no fun, Groot plays an awesome magic tree.” Peter piped in.

“None of it’s fun for the GM. I wish you would stop fooling around so we can go and get a job someplace.”

“Hey, look. We’re passing by Nova. Want to stop in and see if we can snag a job?” Without anyone answering, he put the plane into landing mode.

 

\- - -

 

“I swear to God, Kaylee, if you don’t stop clicking your tongue I’ll—”

“Cut it out, cut it out, Jayne,” Mal yelled. “We’re almost to the city. There might be a job there.”

“What are the chances? The last nine planets we went to there were no jobs that would pay well.” Jayne replied.

“Calm down, everyone,” Inara added.

Zoe strolled into the room and spoke. “Mal, we’ve practically searched half the ‘verse. With everyone cooped up in here, we’re getting restless.”

“And bored!” Jayne cried.

“It means the same thing, you idiot,” Zoe snapped.

“Fine. Just give me a chance. I have a good feeling about this city.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Here’s the Nova Main Headquarters,” Peter said. “We can land here and say hi to the the Nova Corps head.”

Gamora replied “That’s good. They might have something for us.”

After landing the Milano and an interesting security check, they walked inside the main entrance and two Nova guards let them into the Ms. Rael’s office.

“Carol—yes, I know. But you don’t—please, listen. The inter-galactic transit system is undergoing repair. You have to put the ticket in the box before you walk through the turnstile.” 

A Nova officer whispered something in her ear. “I’m sorry, Ms. Danvers. I have some other business to attend to.” She put down the phone and turned away from the window.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Guardians of the Galaxy!” She said sarcastically, waving her hands around. “Our planet’s saviours! I’m sure you’ve come to warn us about another ruthless invader coming to town?”

“Actually, no. I was coming to see if you have any jobs for us.”

“Sorry.” Irani sighed. “It’s been pretty lonely around here, and my biggest crises have been parking tickets and traffic jams. Darn that Public Transit Commission. If they just got their act together, it wouldn’t take me an hour to get to the coffee shop down the street. After the Kree invasion, many people decided to move and relocate to bigger and better planets. They thought it might happen again. But Nova’s the only planet that’s got you, right?”

Peter turned to the rest of the crew. “Since we’re already here, wanna grab a bite and say hi to a few old friends?”

\- - - 

 

“Ah. Nothing like a good parellel parking job,” sighed Wash as he parked Serenity between two rusty ships in an abandoned junkyard. “Where to?”

“How ‘bout that big glass building?” Kaylee replied, peering out the dashboard. “Looks pretty official.”

“Sounds good. Crew, pack up and meet in the hangar.” Mal approved.

“Aye, aye, Cap’n,” chirped Kaylee, pulling a jacket over her signature pink shirt and jumpsuit and skipping away.

\- - -

“This is not a crew. Where is everyone?” Mal looked around. Zoe, Wash, Kaylee, Jayne, and himself. That made five.

Just then, Simon bounded into the room.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. River’s still pretty shaken. I’m going to stay with her. And Inara will be here with us too.”

“Fine,” Mal said. “We’ll have half a team. Let’s go.”

\- - -

The light on Kaylee’s homemade handheld GPS blinked. “According to my calculations, the building—‘Nova Prime Headquarters’—should only be a hundred metres away.” 

Jayne glanced across the dusty field, where old ships and decrepit warehouses lay abandoned, not to mention the towering piles of scrap metal. “It doesn’t look like a hundred metres. You better be right.”

“Maybe we can find some spare parts here.” Kaylee said.

“No way. Everything here is junk.”

“Really? I’m sure the owners don’t think so. This looks pretty nice,” She replied, while lifting up something that resembled a Terran AC unit. Then the rats scurried out of it—to reveal a swarm of metal-eating maggots munching away at the rusty fan blades. “On second thought, never mind.”

As they approached the fence seperating them from civilisation, a sign came into view. Hanging off one hinge and creakly sadly in the breeze, it read—

“‘Tirkle’s Junkyard.’ Told you, Kaylee! It’s an actual junk yard!”

“I said you won.”

Under her breath, Zoe, the only one with some common sense, muttered to herself.

“What the hell kind of a name is Tirkle?”


	3. Chapter 3

“So here’s the deal,” Zoe said, pacing back and forth in front of the Nova HQ. “Without pretty girl Inara here to sweet-talk us in, we going to have to be—” She took a deep breath. “Honest.”

 

“Which means we’re going to have to give up weapons,” Wash added.

 

“Hell no! There’s no way I’m giving up my butt gun,” Jayne protested.

 

Mal and Kaylee stared at each other, and the Captain spoke. “I won’t ask what that is, and hopefully, they won’t either.”

 

They walked up to the security checkpoint, where a row of Nova guards stood in front of a metal detector.  The crew, in their dirty brown and tan clothing, stuck out like a sore thumb in this pristine government building.

 

“We need a cover. Quick.” Kaylee told Mal. But before anybody could say anything else, the Nova guard stepped forward and started interrogating them.

 

“Names?”

 

“My name is Kayl—”

 

“Her name is…uh…” Mal looked at the guard’s silver helmet. “Silviera. I’m Cobalt. And this is our crew.”

 

“Crew? What’s the purpose of your visit?”

 

“We’re roofers.”

 

“In town to see a show.”

 

“Mechanics.”

 

“Tourists!”

 

“Pro mud wrestlers.”

 

They all spoke simultaneously. Mal turned around and faced Jayne. _“Pro mud wrestlers?”_ He mouthed.

 

“I don’t understand. Could you repeat that?”

 

“Sorry about that. We’re roofers.” Zoe pointed to Kaylee and herself.  “They’re mechanics.” She gestured towards Wash and Mal. “He’s a—mud wrestler.”

 

_“Pro_ mud wrestler!” Jayne shouted.

 

“Yeah, _pro_ mud wrestler. And we’re all tourists, coming to Nova to see a show.”

 

“Okay. I guess that’s fine, then. If you have any explosives, fireworks, sharp objects, or…” He looked at the ragtag crew. “…or shampoo bottles over 100 millilitres, put them in this bin.” As they piled in an assortment of shotguns and small knives, they got a funny look from the guard. But they were used to funny looks.

 

“Now, through the metal detector.”

 

One by one they walked through. The metal detector was smart enough not to recognise belt buckles and zippers, but as soon as Jayne walked through, the alarm went off. The Nova guard awkwardly patted down Jayne until he got to his bum.

 

“I’m so, so, sorry about this.”

 

He felt something cold and metallic and felt around until he realised it was a gun. He stared at Jayne, who reached down the back of his pants and placed the gun in the plastic bin wordlessly.

 

“I hunt animals, in between my wrestling matches.”

 

On any other day, the guard would’ve sent out a security alert and put the building in lockdown. But earlier today, the actual, bonafide Guardians of the Galaxy choose to go to his security station, and now this weird, badly-dressed group of mechanics, roofers, and a mud wrestler. Not just any mud wrestler. A _pro_ one. And it was a long weekend. Gary decided to give them a free pass as they crammed into the elevator and the doors began to close.

 

\- - -

 

“Oh, you poor things,” Ms. Rael mused. “I’m terribly sorry. The soup kitchen has closed for tonight, but there’s a homeless shelter just down the street, I can give you transit passes—”

 

"Wait. You think we're hobos?" Zoe asked.

 

"Oh. Um," Irani cleared her throat. "What would you like?"

 

"Work. Our crew needs a job." Mal answered.

 

"What kind of job?"

 

"Anything, really. Got any enemies? Politicians threatening your position? Things you need...uh, borrowed?"

 

"If you're talking about theft, goodness no! And I'm not a politician. I'm Chief Commanding Officer Nova Corps. First, the Guardians of the Galaxy, now this ragtag group of tag-along rag-wearing bag ladies!"

 

"Say what now?" Jayne asked.

 

"Guardians of the Galaxy? You know, saved Nova from a Kree invasion a while back?" Serenity's crew still looked confused. Gamora, Drax, Rocket, Star Lord and the tree one?"

 

"Why does Star Lord sound so familiar? I've heard if somewhere..." Mal reflected.

 

"Yes. You have. His name was plastered across every news headline for months."

 

"No, we don't come from here. Can you tell us where the Guardians of the Galaxy are now?"

 

\- - -

 

_Tok!_   The billiards cue hit the ball with a satisfying click. The crowd cheered Gamora on, shouting her name as the glassy ball fell into the cage. She collected her winnings and made her way back to Peter's table at the back of The Kree Broomsticks. Sure, it was a bit of a dive, but Peter had been going there nearly ever week since he was legal drinking age--and before that.

 

As she sat down, she had that feeling where she felt someone was watching her. Her hand feel down to her hip and her grip tightened around a knife.

 

"Peter?" She whispered.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"I think someone's here."

 

"You think?" Peter's eyes moved across the packed room.

 

"No. I mean yes, I know that. But I think someone's _here_ here. Watching us. I can sense it."

 

"Whatever, Spider-Man," he turned back to his drink. But his hand was down at his side and hovering over his gun now.

 

\- - -

 

"The Kree Broomsticks. This is it." Everyone looked at where Kaylee was standing.

 

"It can't be. If Miss Haughty McSnob government lady said they saved the entire planet from an evil alien, why would they be hanging out in this dump? They're probably rich or something." Wash peeked in the window. In the front, a group of loud blue people were heckling at a human girl throwing darts. The air was too dusty to see the back of the pub. "Are you sure we have the right address?"

 

"Yeah. 221 Catio...Cati...Catolo...well, whatever that says." The sign read, in clear print, "221 Catiolonerolwa St."

 

They ventured into the bar, fingers poised on the triggers of their reclaimed weapons.

 

"Excuse me," Kaylee questioned the bartender. "I'm looking for someone named Star Lord. Do you know him?"

 

"Heh! Star Lord," the bartender scoffed. "Do I know him? He's the best customer I've ever had. Yeh, he's in the back. Red jacket, sitting with that green girl."

 

As they approached the back table, Mal recalled old memories, involving an Earth man in a red leather jacket. The man sitting here had the same sandy hair, about the same height, and a similar build. Mal was drawing his gun out of the holster when the mysterious man turned around to face them. The two men pulled their weapons, and second after, their crews were both poised and ready to attack, guns and knives pointed at each other like a spider web. Just as Gamora was about to release her knife...

 

_"Mal?"_


End file.
